The people monitoring me in private punished me for being upset that they hurt me psychologically.

They keep popping up now to hurt me so, like they have to and they can't hold it in, pretending I am the one being bad.

They keep doing it like it's just a punishment meaning an older lady I like will only be my friend if I don't react to it and feel upset, or else something else bad happens.

The people monitoring me in private are making it worse because they think I'm bad just to post on my problems blog.

I caught Stephen Colbert acting like he said someone was gonna kill me.  He knows about me somehow.  I like him.

People are acting like because I felt upset, my mom got pneumonia and died.   They keep being mean to me.

My dad keeps making me uncomfortable and acting funny around me and if I say so denies me and gets upset.

The people involved monitoring me in private keep acting foreboding that I can't post about what is done wrong to me, depending on who it is.  Like, people act like it is their duty to inappropriately stimulate an older lady I am friends with, as a result and in general besides.  It's getting worse and it doesn't "let up" like it used to.

I feel like I am in trouble with the older lady I am friends with, like it's okay and it doesn't matter now, whereas before it would be unheard of to be this bad.  It's for feeling upset about this.

In Danger

I'm worried because the night before I mom got pneumonia and days after died from cancer for other reasons, I was stressed out when I got home and a little aggressive doing things but not to her and not very very long.  I think because of that my dad and/or little brother among others conveniently blame me for her having cancer and that my stress caused her death.  Actually, her medicine was already making her throw up and unable to eat and digest food and eventually to breath.  So, I'm worried for my safety.  They can be hostile and upset with their lives and take it out on me, secretly, and I'm not sure where this will go.  They seem to not like me how I have been in the past in hard times, like if I was ugly or talked too much or things I don't remember.  I am supposedly bad for doing one thing wrong, too, by accident, when I was usually always very good, especially told so in school.  Also, no one told me or seemed to know or care if we had to be nice to each other around my mom.  She should have been in a very peaceful place before.  So, I have other people still trying to win about what they think and think it's a coincidence that makes me guilty and therefore cause me big, wayward, out-of-control problems...

I have discussed my mom's experience dying before, I don't think people want to know what happened this whole time but to blame me in the end.  It's too late, she already died.

Also, my dad was vicious and scared everybody that if I think to myself it's not my fault that something should happen to me in a way I don't like.

I am worried about talking about these things sometimes because I feel threatened.  I brought it up though to record the danger I think I am in.  My dad and little brother seem very viscous about their past, like I don't deserve to be happy too.  I wonder if I can escape them.  I feel danger around strangers, too.  I wish I could just go somewhere safe!